Laughing Gas

1) My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.” Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, 
I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap.

After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”

Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”


2) I’m writing my book in fifth person, so 
every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy who told somebody …”


3) I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm sexy".


Some days I just stand at a green light till I’m feeling good about myself.


4) When my three-year-old was told 
to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With 
a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”

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